1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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