The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
