My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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