I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
