i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
