Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
