he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
