I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
