Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
