is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
