Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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