Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
