Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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