yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
