I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
