Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
