after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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