this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
