you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
