and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
