I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
