i was rollin on her like bob the builder
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
