Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
