ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
