You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hell yes lets make some ravioli
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
