is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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