"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
