if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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