We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
