I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
