i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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