on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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