There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize
