My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
