I will die if light touches me.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
