We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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