Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
