watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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