I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My vagina is officially offended.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
