Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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