So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
