My hand turned me down
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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