Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
