Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
