She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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