Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
