This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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