Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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