I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
