Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
